The Form Kept

You want the numbers? Here are the numbers.

Thirty-seven shops. Eleven still open. Fifty-two dark. You want me to read them? I'll read them.

Baxter's Hardware, 1962 to 1989 - "Baxter retired, nobody wanted the lease," the councillor said. The councillor owns the lease. The councillor is in the list. The list does not mention that.

Callow's Bakery, 1971 to present - "The baker pays double rent because the rate review was never reviewed. The rate review is the form. The form does not review. The form records."

Drummond's Garage, 1955 to 2003 - "The land was worth more than the business." WHO DECIDED THE LAND WAS WORTH MORE? The form does not ask. The form does not name the developer, the council vote, the back-room minute that turned a garage into a car park for the retail park that is now also empty.

Quill's Stationery, 1968 to 1968 - one year, one lease, one refusal to extend, one shop that opened and closed because the landlord wanted the frontage for a chain store that lasted three years and is now also closed and is not on the list because the form only lists local businesses and the form does not define "local."

You want to know what I know? I know the form is the lie I love. I know the list keeps the names and loses the reasons. I know my mother read this list for thirty years and never once said the word "landlord." I know the word "landlord" is not on the list. I know the list is the form that keeps the street empty and I have been the clerk who keeps it empty by reading.

I am not reading it the same way.

The baker is here. The post office is here. The man who fixed boilers is here. They are not here to listen. They are here because the shops are closing and the rents are rising and the form does not help and the form has never helped and I have been the clerk who keeps the form that keeps the street empty.

I am tearing out the page.

The councillor's business is on the list. The councillor's name is not on the list. The form does not mention that the councillor voted against the rate review while owning the leases that needed reviewing. The form does not mention this. The form is the form.

I am not the form.